I went to my first Al-Anon meeting last night. I’m finding my place on the corner of availability and serenity. I bought the books, listened, took notes. My first takeaway was that the Al-Anon signage and mantras are useful for understanding much more than that single disease. …

Death is more than a goodbye. The experience is all the things that lead up to that final breath and the things we carry forward. The experience is also the other side of goodbye. Goodbye — from godbwye, a contraction of God be with ye from 16th century English —…

[We knew we were entering the Valley of Peace a week before. She is at peace now.] A good enough moment Mom took her last breath at 9:40 a.m. Monday June 13. The time is not precise, the moment wasn’t perfect. They were good enough. Dad was working on the well pump. I was…

I sit on my porch after mowing all the yards and I see it, a patch in my back yard that I missed. It’s hardly noticeable, probably invisible to everyone else, but from this angle and because I was the one who missed it, I see it. I squirm in…

I spent a week at home. I’m going home today. Home. It’s a tricky word. Maybe I’m polydomestic? I am at home -truly at home- in multiple places. I never love leaving, but I have learned that leaving is okay, because I am at home at either house. I’ve been…

I started a text to my friends yesterday morning to let them know (warn them?) that I would be in town for a few days. I’ll be around next week. Let me know if you have time to get together. 90 miles feels like 90 leagues lately. I’m struggling… Or…

We’re breaking. -You’ve been on us for hours! What are you doing? -Nothing. Just getting ready. -Nothing!? You’re breaking us for nothing? -Not nothing. Mom’s birthday. -Ohhh, our aching bones. And those knees… before long, they’ll collapse on us! -Just a little longer. …

Today is mom’s birthday. ¡Cinco de Mayo! I have mixed feelings. If you had asked me in January What are you doing for your mom’s 84thbirthday? I would have explained, She won’t be here for it. But she is. Mixed feelings I’ve written about mixed feelings around mom’s disease and decline before…

Mom still loves visits. Her fight to show up for us remains fierce. I can’t say I show up for visits with her ferocity. It’s spring, and dad and I have impossible to-do lists that crowd our sleep and our clocks, an evil formula at work: the longer the list of to-dos, the deeper…